Better Know A Rector

Welcome to the first installment of our one-part series designed to introduce our new rector to the parish community. In his own words, here's some insights into the background, hopes and beliefs of the Rev. Nathan Speck-Ewer.

Coming to St. Timothy's

At first I said no way. It seemed so far away. But, I went on the website and checked out the church and the people. The first thing that struck me was when you open the site the first thing you see is not buildings but people. That said something to me. You really do see the important thing as the people and not a building. I got so many things just through reading the website about what (St. Tim's) vision is - that the people are actively engaged in committing their time, wanting to work towards a tithe, and building spiritual disciplines. That really inspired me.

After Dave Wilde's invitation to apply I just prayed about it and got more & more excited. It's been a growing, building thing. I had a happy ministry in New Haven. It was thriving but at the same time, slowly, I heard God saying through the discernment we did together that (St. Tim's) is where I'm calling you.

I would never have thought I'd end up being a priest. I would never have thought I'd end up in the Northeast since I'm from Arkansas. And I never would have dreamed that God would be calling me to St. Tim's. Everything fits and I'm so excited about it.

Faith

I haven't had any big "lightning bolt" experiences. My faith has been small steps. Anne Lamott, a writer I admire a lot, has this great image of faith as a series of lily pads that you jump on. They hold your weight just enough that you can jump onto the next one. My faith has been like that.

Coming to faith, one of the steps along the way was getting (the rock album) Dark Side Of The Moon in 8th grade. Pink Floyd was a big boon to ask questions I'd never really thought about before. I started reading philosophy through encounters with The Wall and Dark Side of the Moon. I think that sometimes that rawness of great music can bring out the key questions in new ways.

I went to graduate school to study Renaissance Bible translations. Talk about a sub-specialty, right? We looked at how translations were created, and how theological & real wars were fought because of translations. I was interested and engaged in the questions of faith but in an arm's length way where the Bible is a sociological & historical document. You learn to read it in a certain way but if you close off the other dimensions it can inoculate you. It's bigger than that one dimension. Over time the work became less about wanting to know what the right translation was and more about asking where God is in life, how God is alive and at work in our world. I still love reading the Bible. The daily reading of it is such an important piece of my faith but the questions have changed.

Youth

I didn't go to church that much growing up. I was extremely hyper, and I threw paper airplanes and ruined one minister's sermon. The other time I remember was when the minister asked a question during the sermon and I didn't know the difference between a rhetorical and an actual question. So, I kept raising my hand and creating a distraction.

In my teenage years, I came to (faith) through music and asking questions about why I'm here. My grandparents had a strong faith, and I started to read scripture and didn't know quite what to make of it. When I got to college, I decided I wanted to do something different. So, that first Sunday I went to church, which was the Chapel at Sewanee. I walked into this beautiful sandstone, limestone cathedral-like chapel and sat down thinking, "What have I gotten myself into?" It was all very confusing - sit down, stand up, all these phrases. I had gone to an Episcopal school when I was young and I remembered parts of it. I really didn't know how but I remembered parts of the creed and Liturgy. I had this weird sense of being in this place before but this was a new time.

School

I went to Yale to become an English Professor. Within two weeks I'd discovered what I'd planned on doing was not really something I wanted to do anymore. I'd worked really hard in college to become an English Professor. I had made a bargain with God that he was going to let me do this AND like it. But, it really wasn't me. Talk about a crisis - I made it to where I wanted to be and I didn't know why I wanted to be there anymore.

Going to church on Sunday, being part of the worship community, gave me grounding. I started talking to friends and praying more. At the same time, I was angry with God. At the end of the year, a friend told me to get my head out of the books. He was going to be working at a hospital as a chaplain intern and suggested I try it, too. I applied and it was the day before the program started so I was really too late. But, there was one position left working at a 65-bed hospice. Talk about being thrown off one's feet.

I walked in the first day and I pulled back the curtain to the first room, and there was a man and a woman who'd been married 55 years. He was sitting in this orange chair and she was in the bed actively dying of cancer. He looked up at me, sobbing, and said, "How do I let her die?" There was nothing I could say that would change what they were facing. All the training to say the right things and argue my way out of a box I'd gotten from the English Department didn't change this. I didn't know what to say but in that moment I heard God say, "Listen." It wasn't some dramatic voice coming from above as the clouds break. It was more of a quiet voice, almost the whisper of an eggshell cracking.

Over that summer my faith evolved a lot. Before that I was an Episcopal/Unitarian guy. Jesus was a nice teacher who was a good guy I could learn a lot from. I called him Messiah in the creeds but if you really pressed me on it I didn't really know if he was who we were saying he was. Over that summer that really changed. I came to see Jesus as a real force and real personal presence in people's lives. I got to end of that summer and couldn't imagine going back to the English Department.

Sermons

It's only a pressure thing when I'm not actively engaged in study for my own edification. It's like the difference between pumping water and a spring. I try to get up in the morning and follow this discipline I have of reading scripture - just two chapters a day - and asking God, "Where are you? Show up in this reading with me." Then praying through what I hear or don't hear sometimes. When it comes time create a message for people there's creativity & passion that's like a spring that shoots out. But, if I'm just working on creating messages without doing any of the personal work and discipline of being a disciple myself, then I find it's more like pumping water. I've never found a way to not have it feel manufactured if I don't do the personal work for myself first.

The Future

I'm excited about getting to know the people and letting them get to know me. And loving the people, too! The people I've met at St. Tim's so far are really great.

The Covenant Groups are so important. My own faith has grown so much through small group life. Last fall I convened a group for eight weeks around the theme of Matthew. I saw more growth in people's spiritual lives in that eight weeks than I could have ever preached in five years with them! Talk about a humbling experience. Faith formation is really work that comes through small groups and is bolstered by great worship.